Still Becoming

EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM

The following message has been issued for all households with children.

Attention.

A mother has attempted to answer a phone call.

At this time, all members of the household are expected to experience a sudden and overwhelming inability to function independently.

Please remain calm.

Authorities confirm all children involved were completely self-sufficient approximately 14 seconds ago.

However, the phrase:
“Hello?”
appears to trigger immediate household instability.

Possible symptoms include:

• sudden hunger
• emotional breakdowns over sibling eye contact
• inability to locate objects directly in front of them
• urgent questions that absolutely cannot wait
• and repeated yelling of the word “Mom” from another floor of the home despite nobody being in immediate danger

Researchers remain unable to explain how children can remain completely silent for 45 consecutive minutes until the exact second their mother answers a phone call.

Authorities also warn that all household objects may suddenly become impossible to locate during this time.

This includes:

• shoes
• phone chargers
• hoodies
• library books
• glasses
• earbuds
• permission slips
• and at least one child’s left shoe specifically

Experts remain baffled by the disappearance of the left shoe phenomenon.

Additional disturbances may include:

• a child asking “What time is it?” while wearing a smartwatch
• sibling disputes escalating into what experts describe as “WWE-level events”
• someone yelling “Mom!” from another room only to ask a question that could have been shouted in the first place
• and at least one family member announcing:
  “There’s nothing to eat in this house.”

Authorities confirm this statement is often made while standing in front of a completely full refrigerator.

Experts strongly advise mothers to avoid making direct eye contact during these incidents.

Research shows that once eye contact is established, additional responsibilities may immediately be assigned.

Authorities also confirm mothers may become the default household memory bank during active phone conversations.

Questions commonly directed toward the mother at this time include:

• “When’s my dentist appointment?”
• “Do I need gym clothes tomorrow?”
• “Did you sign my field trip paper?”
• “What time do I have to be there?”
• “Have you seen my library book?”
• and the deeply concerning:
  “Was I supposed to do something today?”

Experts remain fascinated by the fact that household members often possess full access to:

• calendars
• reminder apps
• school emails
• and written instructions

…yet still prefer asking the mother directly.

Researchers believe this behavior stems from years of successful outsourcing of all critical thinking to one exhausted woman with a rapidly cooling cup of coffee.

Additional household chaos may include:

• a dog who has remained completely silent for the last two hours suddenly barking aggressively at absolutely nothing
• one child appearing beside the mother simply to stare at her while she talks
• and a husband requiring immediate assistance with something “urgent”

Authorities confirm husbands may develop urgent needs immediately upon their wives answering a phone call despite having ignored said issue for approximately three weeks.

If asked to wait five minutes, mild irritation may occur.

Experts remain unable to explain this phenomenon.

Authorities have also observed a mysterious spike in phone activity once a mother begins an active conversation.

Devices previously silent for several hours may suddenly experience:

• multiple incoming calls
• excessive text notifications
• revived group chats
• calendar reminders
• and at least one “Scam Likely” caller with impeccable timing

Researchers believe phones can sense when a mother is attempting to focus and immediately notify every human she has ever met.

If possible, mothers are advised to seek shelter in:

• parked vehicles
• bathrooms with functioning locks
• laundry rooms
• or pantries

However, experts warn children possess advanced tracking abilities and will likely locate them within moments.

At this time, there is no estimated end to the emergency.

Until then, authorities recommend the following survival supplies:

• one large coffee no one is allowed to “just take a sip” of
• emergency chocolate hidden in a location known only to the mother
• noise-canceling headphones
• a secret hiding place no child has discovered yet
• and approximately 10 uninterrupted minutes of silence

Authorities warn those final 10 minutes are considered highly unlikely but not entirely impossible.